they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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