I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
