He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
