I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
