He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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