I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
