Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
