had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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