About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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