hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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