you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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