She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
