Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
