He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
