I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
