Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need a burrito and a hug.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
