first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
