this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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