You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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