I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
