she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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