Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
