Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?