somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I will be naked everywhere
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash