Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever

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(702): I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever http://tfl.nu/c1jo

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

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(+64): apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing. http://tfl.nu/xl08

Replies (36) Good night (4110) Bad night (532)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

(713): View more from Texas

what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

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(832): my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over. (713): what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jxuh

Replies (95) Good night (814) Bad night (5723)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.

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(304): He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends. http://tfl.nu/db22

Replies (7) Good night (987) Bad night (3273) Order T-Shirt
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(630): View more from Illinois

She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

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(630): She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving. http://tfl.nu/1pg2

Replies (16) Good night (5533) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
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(678): View more from Georgia

He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

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(678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l

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(418): View more from Quebec

Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.

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(418): Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class. http://tfl.nu/hm5u

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation

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(414): Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation http://tfl.nu/xs70

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(210): View more from Texas

It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.

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(210): It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after. http://tfl.nu/tury

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(850): View more from Florida

that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick

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(850): that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick http://tfl.nu/ww0j

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(858): View more from California

Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.

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(858): Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/33hl

Replies (4) Good night (1653) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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(770): View more from Georgia

Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.

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(770): Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation. http://tfl.nu/ma0q

Replies (10) Good night (1291) Bad night (524)
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(567): View more from Ohio

Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.

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(567): Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho. http://tfl.nu/6eue

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls

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(814): iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls http://tfl.nu/7ylt

Replies (4) Good night (741) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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(208): View more from Idaho

Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often

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(208): Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often http://tfl.nu/tod9

Replies (3) Good night (1013) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt

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