so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.