no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
