im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
