I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
