I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
