i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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