omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
