i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
