You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
