No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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