doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
