Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my being single is dangerous.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
