I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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