I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
