I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
