Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
