yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
