We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
