You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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