oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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