The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
