Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
