I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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