i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
