It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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