So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
