My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
