1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want nice things and good sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
