Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
