I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
