We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She bit a glass in half.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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