they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
