I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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