Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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