I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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