I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
