2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
