Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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