If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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